my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
