All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
