By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
