Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
