Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
