you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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