I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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