Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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