just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize