He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
