just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
