Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
