Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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