So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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