if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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