One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
