Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
