And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
