ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude i'm inner monologue high
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the day after is always just damage control
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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