the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
