I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
