Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
