So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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