At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
my liver is dry heaving
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
