I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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