YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think i have two assholes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
