just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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