Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
