she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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