Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
