Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
