i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
