im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
