is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
