all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
