I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize