I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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