Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
