no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
3pm strippers are depressing
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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