dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
