my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
