i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
