at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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