he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
