I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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