I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
