While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
