I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize