Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
