The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
