My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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