Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
