Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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