I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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