Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
