a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
