It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
