while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
