Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
