No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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