Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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