vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
