your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
