Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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