I wish I only lived at night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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